My Top Five Biggest Surprises In Thailand
Surprise 1: Toilet Culture
When I arrived I was dimly aware that toilets were different in Asia. People use bidets like in western Europe. There are more “squatty potties” instead of the large western-style toilets. Public restrooms often have a nominal charge of 10 baht - a bit over a quarter dollar.
Be prepared for a complete lack of toilet paper at more remote and low-income areas. This means you will not be able to dry up after your bidet without bringing your own TP. Many toilets do not handle paper. Then TP goes in the trash!
In one case I didn’t have my own TP and just went on the bus to Petchabun wet. It’s often 90+ degrees Fahrenheit so you will dry up quickly. You may find wearing a skirt or kilt advantageous.
Similarly there is often no paper towel or drying machine. People bow to each other here rather than shaking hands. They just don’t give a fuck about keeping dry hands.
Showers at hotels were often mechanically different than what I’m used to in the states.
Surprise 2: Local Hospitality
Every hotel or hostel I stayed at provided some basic coffee, water, or snacks for free. The quality on these tends to be low, such as instant coffee. But it’s still a nice touch.
Then you get up-charged for little addons or fined for infractions. Like iced tea, coffee, or chocolate costs a little extra vs drinking it hot. Hotels have a laundry list of items that they will fine you for.
Most drinks are served sweet and most food is spicy. It was often too spicy for me.
On long bus trips the staff hands out drinks and snacks to all the passengers. For example on the journey from Bangkok to Petchabun we were served bottled water, a small grape-juice box, and a fruit-filled bun.
It’s a nice bit of refreshment on a long hot journey. (That’s what she said!)
Later the bus stopped for lunch. We all got out at a shopping center and picked up a little something. There are street vendors everywhere in Thailand so you can pick up some groceries or gifts.
Similarly at the Battle Conquer Muay Thai training camp there were free fruits and PBJ sandwiches for lunch. Breakfast and dinner were usually a choice of chicken, rice, and soup or raw/vegan salad. It’s sweet for folks looking to get fit and manage their weight.
Surprise 3: Cash Deals and Haggling
In the States it’s customary to tip (a.k.a overpay) service workers 15 to 25% of the base price. I kind of hate it. Why can’t the price just be the price? But great service workers are scarce so that’s how we roll.
In Thailand, the initial price that street vendors ask for may be inflated by 50% more than they can profitably sell the item for. So start by asking for a half-off discount and try to meet in the middle.
I went to restaurants with a 10% service charge. This seems sensible in place of tipping. I tipped some cab drivers and folks who went out of their way, but otherwise stuck to the price when buying food. Food prices are great around Bangkok, likely about 1/3 of what I’m used to paying around Minneapolis and Milwaukee for comparable quality food.
Eating out all the time is generally expensive. But in Bangkok street or lunch counter food is just a couple bucks. When it’s so affordable why not treat yourself?
Surprise 4: Monitor Lizards and Street Dogs
When I first saw these guys I thought they were snakes. On second glance the legs made them a bit less scary. Still they are serious reptiles. They eat any critters they can get including cats, dogs, and the rare kid.
Monitors generally won’t mess with an adult person, but bites occur with idiots invading their space. It’s easy to imagine a dragon if you scale one of these guys up by 100 and give him some wings.
Hide yo kid’s, hide yo wife, hide yo dog.
Speaking of which there are seriously a ton of dogs and cats out on the streets eating trash and rats. There’s a lot of garbage around for various critters to eat.
The street dogs have mostly figured out how to not get hit by cars. But once I had to scoop a chihuahua up out of traffic.
Some of them have collars and bows on indicating an owner. Some are territorial and standoffish. A few are friendly and approachable.
Surprise 5: Street Food Can Fuck You Up
I did a bit of adventurous eating in Thailand: squid, crab, vegemite sandwiches, dragon-fruit…
Adventurous eating at the food courts is one thing. The street vendors are another. They are often less like a restaurant and more like some guy’s bootleg meat shop. And that’s where you can get sick.
You don’t want gnarly shits do you? Be careful with street vendors. Eat at a restaurant or food court. For street vendors stick to fruit, coffee, and cooked snacks. Grocery and convenience stores have great deals on pre-packaged food.